Well, here I am and it has been some time since my last post. My little world has shifted slightly with the passing of my grandmother this morning. I was never really that close with her, but it doesn't make the sting any easier.
I sit here now with dampened eyes and a lump in my throat when I think of the opportunities lost. I never really knew this woman. A woman who gave birth to 11 children and pretty much raised them on her own. A woman who lost her husband at a young age. A woman that lived through the depression yet managed to feed and clothe those 11 mouths. The pictures I see of her as a vibrant teen in a canoe with her girlfriends are just that--pictures. She was never forthcoming in telling tales about her past, perhaps that is why I never really asked, but I should have. I realize that now more than anything.
One of the most perfect times I had, yet never seized was when I was 17. I drove my grandmother home from a family gathering and it was just the two of us. My thoughts today had me thinking that if only I wasn't filled with teen angst, it would have been really cool to cruise with her. Go for a drive, go down her memory lane and let her show me the house or the farm where she used to live. But I didn't.
I refuse to be filled with regret - that is just my motto - but I can only wonder what may be if I had taken more opportunity to know her. I will never know the answer, and won't torture myself in expecting it. But if a lifetime comes around again where I have more opportunities to know this woman I call grammie, I'll take them. And if I don't get the opportunity, well, so be it. I have learned my lesson, but must remember to take with me what I have learned from this kick in the ass.
We only part so we can meet again...
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