Signs

Signs...They are all around us, but do we listen? Do we really know when they are happening and what they indicate?

Making a decision to pack up all that I have, renew my passport, and flee the country has been a whirlwind to say the least. The opportunity to leave Canada behind once again came about 3 weeks ago through a brief conversation with a friend of a friend. It was just an idea, a mere possibility, and the thought was intriguing.

And then the beginning of last week was a job interview and boom, suddenly that thought became a very real option. Of course the option is still mine, but I have my heart set on it now. I have decided to go. And once that decision was made and heading to South America was a reality and just not a flight of fancy, I started seeing the signs.

Before any journey in the past, my decision seemed to waver, but then I would see a sign. Before Australia, there was a flock of geese, about 5 metres above the road, flying in a vee, towards my and my front windshield. I knew going to Australia was in the cards.

Before a departure to Japan, it was dragonflies buzzing in front of me while walking down a city road. Laugh if you may, but honestly, have you ever had a flock of geese buzz you? Have you ever had dragonflies surround you in the middle of the city?And so the signs are beginning once again.

About a month ago, walking in the city, a butterfly buzzed me and almost landed on me. Even a passerbyer commented on the oddity. (And this was before I even knew that Colombia was an option).

Once I knew the option was becoming more of a possibility, I opened my eyes...waiting for the dragonflies - usually my sign.

A student of mine walked in with a new bag, took it off her shoulder and set it on the desk, removed some papers and that is when I saw a huge embroidered dragonfly. I could only smile.

Last week, a friend signed into MSN messenger with an image I had never seen before, but it did look Mayan (maybe Incan - not well versed in this area) with the sign in name Cor-do-ba - Cordoba being the district I am heading to, and the name of the car he wants to buy.

Coincidence some may say, I don't.

On Thursday, I opened the Georgia Straight and flipped to the first page. Yep, a photo of a dragonfly.

And this weekend, I enjoyed a great walk in the beauty of Saturday with a beautiful person. As we progressed along the seawall a dragonfly crossed my path. And again, a smugness overcame me.

I know I am supposed to go, I know this is the path I am supposed to be on. And all these little signs seem to reassure me and push me forward.Some may say, it is all a coincidence, others may say it is rubbish. But I don't. I belive in many mysterious things...I believe in magic, I believe in true love, I believe in make-believe and I believe in signs.

English Bay

Well, a new digital camera - old, but new for me - has been purchased, and I am armed and ready to take shots of my neighbourhood.

Out on a test drive last night, I found myself wondering English Bay and snapped off this shot. If you look into the distance, a heron is standing on a rock that was still exposed from low tide.

Keep posted as more pics will be coming up.

Photo Test.

Ahhh, finally, blogger is making it easier to upload photos directly from the computer rather than fighting with blogbot - YIPPPEEEE, HORRAY.

Walls

Off the wall;
Fly on the wall;
Up the wall;
The writing is on the wall;
Climb the walls;
Wall of fog;
Back to the wall;
But between me and you and these 4 walls, I am bloody sick of walls.

Why do we build these walls around ourselves and our emotions? Why do we fortify our hearts? Is it for self-preservation? Is it instinct not to be our true selves for fear of rejection or pain? Is it from past experience of pain and little rips in your heart?

I felt the masons of my heart start erecting a little wall today. It was a little tweek, an indirect tweek but got me thinking and doubting and suddenly I realized I was more exposed than I wanted to be....brick, mortor, brick, mortor....take away the brick, tear it down, no no build it up, build it higher....nah fuck it, take it down....

I want the wall, I want it to create just a bit of a barrier to separate myself, and create a bit of distance, but then I wouldn't be true to myself. I don't want the walls. Full of confusion and contradiction...Which leads me to the next question: are walls a necessary evil? Is it different if we build the walls with concrete as opposed to straw? The big bad wolf was able to huff and puff instead of using a wrecking ball.

Maybe we just need condoms for our heart. Who the hell knows. I certainly don't.

A New Season

I sit here tonight with the moon rising over the city and on the cusp of a new season. Spring is on its way out and summer mere moments away. Another change, another season, another time and another shift.

But it just isn't the world going through a change, for I am on the cusp of some decisions right now. The first day of summer shall bring a job interview with possibilities of heading to South America. If that doesn't materialize, there are other options for going away and even staying. Like reading a good mystery novel, you can only guess or predict the ending, but in some twist you are left reeling and heading in a different direction all together. So who really knows where this change will take me, but something is coming--I can feel it.

There is also a shift happening within. It is a situation where I could let myself fall and become so easily entangled with a beautiful, clever, witty, sexy man...but I am not allowing myself. I've played with this fire once before, and I don't want to be burned again. Besides, there is something in my gut that tugs at me not to get too deep. I don't know why they are there, but it isn't for me to question, but perhaps more to listen.

So, I am listening this time to those doubts and second guesses. I am listening to those tugs and unsettling feelings - the feelings that seem to be so easily shoved aside by the intoxication of it all...but not this time.

If it is mean to be, it will happen - whether in geography or in emotion...the change is coming. I just don't know when, but I do know that when I wake up the seaons will change and with that will bring more.