Dance Like No one is Watching...Sing Like There is no Tomorrow

There is something to be said about having your own private Karaoke party with the only observer being your dog. Since the ex took the stereo and the majority of the CD collection (which was most of his shit anyway), I've been downloading music and playing it through my computer, which by the way, gives great sound if the bitrate is good. And so Nina Simone's My Baby Just Cares For Me came on. The first time, I sipped my glass of wine and swayed to the beats mouthing the words. It felt good. I played it again, singing the occasional line outloud and moving more. It felt even better. I played it for the 3rd time. Full on, out-of-my-chair singing like no one was watching--a full on karaoke rendition with most likely too much hip sway and the lyrics were spewing out at the top of my lungs. I surprised myself at how remarkable I sounded (or at least presumed I sounded).

The dog sat in the papasan chair blinking his tired eyes at me, probably hoping that there would be no 4th go at it. The neighbours were probably shaking their heads and wondering if they should call the police from the racket happening in #15. But I didn't care. It felt fantastic. It felt liberating - kind of like the first time you can walk around your apartment naked with no fear of a roommate or other member of the household catching you in the act.

The pen for a mic, the sultry poise that just goes hand-in-hand with Nina, finished by a glass of well deserved wine and the applause thundered in my mind drowning out all worries and frustrations.

Here's to Karaoke!

The Dawn of the Age of Electronic Dating

I was sent an email the other day, a checklist really, of how you know you are living in the year 2004. Of course there was the cuteness of entering your pin number on the microwave or emailing the person beside you, but no where on the list was the comment of 'you or someone you know has had a date with someone they met online'.

And this is the new wave we as a society are surfing on. Catching it and catching on. I mean, I've felt odd doing it, but really, it doesn't differ much than going to a bar or a pub. In the bar, you scan the room look around and sort through the countless faces until someone catches your eye. Online, same thing, you shuffle through the pictures like collector cards until someone catches your eye. And then the next step you make contact - either wink from across the room or smile and flirt, or you send an email or wink online. Next step, you approach and start talking; writing a witty email or by chance catching each other at the same time for a chat.

You get to know each other, talk, flirt - in person or behind a monitor and then there is a date. Meet up at another place, or in the online version, meet in flesh. I suppose the only disadvantage is not being able to see or hear the person completely. But with web cams, scanners, digital cameras and instant live chat, this is all changing. Where it goes from here is always up to the individual.

The dating world as we know it is shifting. Dating services, speed dating and now online dating. I still thing people consider it taboo to find and meet online, but more and more, it is becoming accepted. More and more single people are jumping on the bandwagon of finding a potential mate online, and more and more companies are profiting from the lonely single people out there.

As for me, it has been a positive experience all around. I've been fortunate enough to meet some interesting people; some I will see again, and others I won't. But this is how it goes in the real world and the not so real world of internet dating.

Introspection :: What Am I Looking For?

It was a wonderful question that was recently asked; a question that possibly could be answered off the cuff, but required a bit more in-depth analysis and introspection. And of course there are so many different levels upon which these searches ensue.

In the simplest way, I am chasing rainbows. I’ve used this analogy in an attempt to describe what it is I wish to do with my life, or what it is that I am searching for.


Rainbows are a magical creation, full of beauty and colour, intrigue and simplicity on a majestic scale. And this is what I wish to encapsulate in my life. To have a life full of colour—whether it is with my personality, the friends I keep, the experiences I have, the people I meet, the challenges I face. Basically, refusing to accept the mundane.

The beauty a rainbow represents is also something I wish to seek out. And again, this comes down to improving the beauty of my soul and mind, having it questioned and challenged to let it flourish and blossom as well as reciprocating this with the people around me—sharing ideas and questioning, to continue growing and improving.

And as rainbows have intrigue, I too search for this. I need to surround myself in an environment where I am free to question and sometimes see the world through innocent or child-like eyes. To have input and brainstorming and what some may see as absolutely insane acts or behaviour to let my spirit soar and curiosity and intrigue in the world to develop.

So to keep things simple, I am looking to chase down rainbows. The rainbows within me, friends, lovers, colleagues, places, the planet we live in. Rainbows are everywhere, but sometimes deeply hidden.

Creative Downtime

There comes a point in everyone's life to say 'fuck you' to the world, retreat and hide from the scorn, the evil, the media, the judgements, the boss that doesn't understand, the friends that try to understand, but can't, and basically the day-to-day reality of this planet.

But is it normal to have this feeling and the urge to disappear on a regular basis? I am in this phase, once again. I blame it on my gypsy blood, although there is no ancestry even closely linked to gypsies. This urge to move, to move locations, to shift my head-space, to shake up my soul, grabs on and takes full control. I don't know where it comes from. The wind? The seasonal change? The moon? Fear?

Ahhh, yes, fear; the greatest motivator of human needs and emotions. But what am I afraid of? Having to punch the clock day in and day out - YES. Afraid of the white picket fence and 2.4 kids - MOST DEFINATELY. Afraid of a routine and mundane life - YES. Afraid of losing independence - YES. Afraid that I will have to conform with what society deems a 'normal life - YES, YES, YES. But how are these fears connected with my wanting to escape?

It is a question I've asked myself time and time again, and still it remains unsolved. Perhaps it is time for me to move on and rediscover myself. Put things into perspective. I tried to do that today, by escaping into my own world and my head by not going to work, but really more questions have come up than answers. The down time did me wonders, but one day is just not enough.

I guess it simply comes down to the fact that there are certain expectations that society has or imposes on people--get a job, get married, have the kids, get a mortgage, work your way up the corporate ladder, be successful, make money to put in RRSPs, retire, take package vacations, turn grey, have grandkids and sooner or later all of this flashes before your eyes and you realize that you have not lived the life you want. I know I don't want to live this above mentioned life, and following this pseudo-dogma would drive me insane. Do I need to escape because I know I don't fit in here; I don't fit and can't conform to what is believed to be 'normal'? I think this is it, this is my answer crafted purely on gut instinct.

So where do I go from here? This is the big question, isn't it? I guess the only way I can answer the big question is with some big thoughts and introspection. One day I might have it, perhaps one day soon.

Lessons of Age on Granville Street

The clouds clung to the Granville Street towers, where everyone is locked up punching in the time cards and watching the moments pass until they can escape and actually begin to live. It isn't so bad being couped up on a day like this. The dampness wraps around you like an unwanted touch of a previous lover, and the wind punctures your soul.

The jostling of the city is at a minimum. Almost eerie silence until she claims a seat beside me. She fidgets with a ziplock bag, worn and soiled and offers it to me. She explains that she used it for her quarters and discarded it upon the cafe table because people think she uses it to carry marijuana. Without much promting, she proceded to reveal tidbits of her life. She's a senior, living on the North Shore with 2 cats, moving at the end of the month and finding it difficult to hire movers, an artist dabbling in oils, researching as an occupation which she cannot talk about, injuries galore; her most recent from a bike/car accident.

Her story continued, lasting two cigarettes and before she got on the #4 she gave one last bit of advice, "Some people age with grace like a vintage wine, and others just seem to age."

Testing Testing Testing...if all is fine and well, I shall be writing soon.